


I'll Be Seeing You

by Likara



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23331400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likara/pseuds/Likara
Summary: The man a lifetime ago known as James Buchanan Barnes, nowadays feared as the Winter Soldier, tried to stay under the radar. That’s when he met a young student. She didn’t care for his name or his history.Without knowing it she offered him forgiveness, maybe even peace. He didn’t deserve it, but he longed for it.Just like he started to long for her...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	1. Messy But Kind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody!
> 
> Thank you for giving this a chance. I'm not a native english speaker, still beta-less and lazy when it comes to editing from time to time. I apologize for my mistakes and horrible grammar in advance and hope you can still enjoy the story.

_She's imperfect, but she tries_

_She is good, but she lies_

_She is hard on herself_

_She is broken and won't ask for help_

_She is messy, but she's kind_

_She is lonely most of the time *_

**2015**

**Bucharest**

"How much?"  
  
The bearded old man just looked at her in confusion.  
  
"Pay, wage... salary?" She tried again. He just shrugged.  
  
The blond sighed. She held up her hand, asking him silently to wait a moment, and started to look through her bag. Finally, she fished out the little book she bought for way too much money from a hawker. 

"Plată? Cât de mult?"

His look told her that he thought she was beyond stupid, what- in all fairness- she was, she guessed.

"Five." He told her in English.

"Per hour?"

Again, he looked confused. Again, the girl went through the book frequently. He was losing his patience, she could tell. 

"Pe oră?"

He laughed, wholeheartedly. 

"No, no, no." He shook his head. "Day, every day."

"Working like… four hours and get only 5 Euro a day?!" she called out, the other customers in the butcher's shop turned their heads, looking at them. 

"No papers, no more money." It seemed like the old guy understood more English than he let her know. He started to turn around and the blond panicked. She really needed this job. She grabbed his arm.

"No, no... it’s okay. Okay. I take it."

"Okay. Mâine. La ora patru." He nodded.

"What?" 

Now he was really annoyed.

"Patru!" He held up four fingers.

"Oh! Four o'clock." She nodded. "In the morning?" She added a little horrified. 

He simply laughed again and turned away, going back behind the counter.

"I guess that means yes." She muttered while leaving the shop.

Ruby buried herself even deeper into her scarf and pulled her beanie further down her face as she stepped out on the cold streets of Bucharest.

Okay, it was a start, she thought. Finally, she would make at least some money. Not a day too soon. Besides, being bored out of her mind, she just couldn't use any of the money her parents sent her, her savings were limited, and she couldn't rely on Maurice forever. It was kind enough of him to let her live in his apartment for free. She tried not to take advantage of his generosity. As soon as he would be done with the project in Rome, she would have to clear out of his apartment. He told her she could stay as long as she wanted... but somehow she needed to stop this nonsense. 

Yeah, somehow. And someday. But not today. It would be a few more months till then. And now she could at least buy food.

Sighing, she made her way back to her temporary residence. She had to go to bed early today... because - she still couldn't believe it - she had to get up at 4 AM in the morning.

...

The smell got to her most. The blood, dead animals, the language barrier, the overall roughness of this place weren't so bad. But the smell of blood and torn apart flesh was nearly overwhelming. 

It was pretty clear that at her arrival at 4 AM a great deal of slaughter was already done. The instructions were pretty simple and brief. The old guy - and owner of the shop - showed her the sparsely cleaning utensils- a few rags, a bucket, and a mop-, where she could get clean water, and where to dump the dirty water, in the back alley behind the building. Ruby started off cleaning the sales area. After that, the old butcher waved her into the back area where the real work waited. She cleaned the equipment as best as she could and hoped like hell that she wouldn't accidentally break something, or kill herself.

She was clumsy. Always have been. So working around sharp objects wasn't the best thing for her, but... a girl gotta eat. Not that she was eating much these days. Her worries made her feel sick more than don't.  
_It's temporary._  
She told herself that, as she mopped the bloody floor. The grumpy workers here ignored her mostly. Her awkward attempts to make conversation just got her some disapprovingly glances. 

To be honest, temporary was a relative term for her these days. She though Romania would be temporary. Maybe a few weeks. Till she figured out how to tell her parents that she dropped out of college, right at the beginning of her semester abroad, which had cost her parents a small fortune.   
Yeah, studying architecture, what a great idea that was.  
She needed to get out of Rome and when Maurice had offered her his apartment after his subtenant moving out, it'd seemed like a great idea to clear her head. Oh yes, yet another great idea of hers. 

Sometimes she really didn't recognize herself anymore. She had been an average teenager. Not overly rebellious or dutifully. But she always had been reliable and hardworking, with a good head on her shoulders, as her granddad always said. But the last four years kind of... changed that slowly, she guessed. Ruby often thought about when or how she started to make such bad decisions. She couldn't really make out a point. She guessed it had been several things. A long line of poor choices that finally led her here.

Well, it had been two months now. Two months of her pondering and sitting on her ass in Maurice's apartment and feeling sorry for herself.   
But she was doing something now, wasn't she? She got herself a job, at least trying to feed herself, and she had a few more months to figure out what the hell she would do. 

It looked like all the dismembering for the day was done, as she found herself alone in the cold, tiled room. Apart from the products, of course. Deep in thoughts, and mopping away at the still blood-stained floor, she squeaked when her back collided with something hard.

She whirled around, fully expecting she bumped into a pork side that was hanging from the ceiling, only to find herself staring at the bluest pair of eyes she'd ever seen.

Her fascination was short living since the owner of said eyes broke the eye contact rather fast and moved past her.

"Uh, sorry. I thought I was alone here. And oh, be careful the floor is wet." She called after him.

She didn't know why she bothered, he wouldn't be able to understand what she just said anyway, but whatever. The guy stopped and turned his head slightly, but only nodded curtly before he grabbed some baskets and went into the storage room. 

Ruby, on the other hand, couldn't help but look at him as he continued to put stuff in the even colder storage room. He was bulky, she guessed. Even though he wore a winter jacket his arms looked thick and his shoulders wide. He had long brown hair under the baseball cap he wore.   
She also couldn't shake the feeling, that he eyed her whenever she wasn't looking before he finally disappeared. She was just getting rid of the dirty water in the alley when he appeared again, walking out the backdoor. 

He stopped in his tracks, looking at her for a moment. Ruby smiled, assuming he was done for the day she waved at him, nearly dropping the bucket she was carefully emptying into the sewerage.

"Have a nice day." She said more cheerfully than necessary.

Again, he just nodded at her briefly before going his way, without looking back.

Well, sadly that was the closest thing to a friendly conversation she had today. Ruby shook her head. She still had two hours of cleaning to do. 

...

The first days at her new job went by pretty fast. After a few more poor attempts to make conversation with the people working here, she gave up. A skinny, but mean looking worker, second in command how it seemed, was especially annoyed with her and she was pretty sure he once told her to shut up.  
Actually, she had hoped that a job would help her find some social contacts, even if it was some clumsy small talk in Romanian, but no such luck. 

With every day going by, she felt more and more alone. Since coming here, she had barely talked to her few friends back home. When she did, she kept saying to them that she was super busy with stuff here, and everybody understood. She had been in Rome only for a few weeks. The only friend she made there was Maurice. 

And the only one who kind of took note of her at her job was Strong and Silent. This was what she called the guy with the blue eyes and the long dark hair in her mind. He didn't speak to her, but at least nodded in her direction when she greeted him or said anything. 

Apart from her favorite street artist, it was still the friendliest interaction she had with another human being in a while. And said street artist - at least she referred to him as such- wasn't really the Ed Sheeran kind of European street musician. Oh no. 

She'd first heard him playing his instrument and singing songs she never heard before, a week after coming here. He had been sitting on the street only a few minutes from her flat. Since then, she listened to him almost every day. Normally he would pop up somewhere around 4 pm, late in the afternoon.  
He was obviously homeless, in his fifties, perhaps younger. You couldn't really tell. His face and teeth were as dirty as his clothes. But his eyes had a spark and when he sang and played his rough-looking ukulele all of that didn't matter. It quickly became her favorite thing to do. She couldn't understand one word he was singing but that didn't matter.  
Sometimes she sat down on a nearby bench and listened for an hour. In the beginning, she always gave him a few euros. And he thanked her with a smile and a nod. Since things were getting rougher for her, she could only give him a few cents from time to time. Still, he smiled at her every time and also acknowledged her presence with the same gesture.

And sometimes she stayed till the freezing wind creeping through her clothes became too unbearable and made her seek out the comfort of her temporary home.

On Saturday morning, after her shift, she really just liked to go home, as well. Her hands hurt from the cold weather and the even colder water, but she had to argue with the second-in-comment-guy.

"Five! I worked five days this week, so... five more!"

God, she hated this. The skinny little shithead gave her twenty euro. She never thought she would be so furious over five euro, but these were desperate times. 

Not even looking at her, he waved her away.

"Hey! I worked for five days!"

He went back to the salesroom without another word, and Ruby was ready to follow him and give him a piece of her mind.

"Don't." 

She stopped on the spot and turned around when she heard him.

Ruby looked around. Only Strong and Silent was in the stockroom, stacking boxes in the back. 

"Sorry?" she said surprised. Not sure if she heard right. She stared at him for a few seconds before he said something else, not looking at her.

"If you want the job. Don't. Not worth it."

"But he only gave me 20. I'm supposed to get 5 more. That's not fair." She answered, kind of perplexed.

Strong and Silent kept doing his thing with the boxes as he answered. "It's not but that doesn't matter. Next week, the boss will pay you."

Maybe something about watching him handling those boxes was soothing because Ruby sighed and put away her twenty. 

Just then she realized something. 

"Hey! You speak English?!" she called out, excited. This time he didn't answer. He just took a few boxes and went into another room. Ruby thought about following him. But skinny shithead came back and gave her a dirty look, undoubtfully questioning why she was still here.

Her workday was over. She decided to go home. She could find out what Strong and Silent’s deal was next week.

....

"So, you speak English? Where are you from?"

Ruby wasted no time. She'd spent the whole Saturday and most of Sunday thinking about it. She was sure he was American. And her excitement about finding another stranded American fellow here was... excessive.   
The dark-haired man truly lived up to the nickname she gave him. He wasn't even looking at her, just putting the days' victims into the storeroom, when they were the only ones left there.

But Ruby wouldn't give up so fast. Call it desperation for any kind of interaction with a human being. Or maybe some part of her old persistent self shined through. 

"You sounded American. Are you from the US?" she continued when he walked passed her again, and she cleaned parts of the meat grinder. 

"Eastcoast? I'm from Maine, well... I lived in Boston for the last few years. But... you seemed to be from the east coast."

She was pretty sure he sighed deeply, and she nearly stopped pushing. Obviously, she was annoying him, and he didn't want to talk to her.   
But damned, he didn't need to be her friend. But some friendly conversation? Would that be so hard?

"Careful!" 

Ruby flinched, then stayed still. She was so deep in her thoughts, she hadn't even notice that he turned around and looked at her. He pointed to her hand. And she followed his gaze. 

Yeah, she nearly cut herself on some knife. 

"Oh, that was close. Thanks." She looked back up, and he was back to ignoring her and doing his work.

"So, am I right? Eastcoast?" She babbled again, but now it was more or less her nerves getting the better of her.

"I spoke like four sentences to you."

Ruby stopped what she was doing and looked at him. He still wasn't looking at her as he spoke. "Will you stop asking and concentrate on your work if I'll answer your question?"

She was truly shocked. By now, she hadn't expected him to answer. 

"Sure!" She finally nodded, excited. 

"Yes, I'm American. And yes, Eastcoast." 

"Oh, I knew it. Where are you from?"

"You said you'll stop asking." He replied quietly. Ruby kept looking at him, his profile to her. She couldn't see much of him. He wore a cap, and his long hair hid a good part of his face.   
He was right. She had said she would stop. She sighed and continued her work quietly this time, swallowing her disappointment. It was childish anyway.

It was several minutes later when she heard him and nearly slipped at the suddenness of his voice. 

"Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn."

As she looked in his direction, he still wasn't looking at her but that didn't matter. 

She said nothing. Ruby took the bucket with the dirty water outside, smiling to herself.

...

On her third week at her job, she noticed them for the first time. A bunch of stray dogs that were climbing into the big foul-smelling garbage container in the alley, without a doubt eating really unsalable - because _really_ uneatable - meat in there.

She also saw their struggle to do so and how the worker, especially the skinny shithead, chased them away, even kicked them. 

So, she did something surely beyond stupid. She started to sneak some of the spoiled meat that was supposed to go into the container aside. Every time she had to go outside to change the water in her bucket, she took some outside, placing it on the ground, hidden behind smaller garbage cans.

She also tried to take the meat that smelled the less and looked the best. She didn't want to poison the dogs. Even though she was pretty sure they had eaten worse.

The dogs picked up on it right away. Pretty soon, they were even waiting for her there. And nobody seemed to notice it as well.

Ruby was rather pleased with herself.

But yeah, like most of her ideas in the last years, it was stupid and damned to go wrong.

She was nearly done for the day when she again managed to sneak some meat outside, a few days after she had started to feed the dogs. 

She knew two of the three furry fellows that were waiting for her. One, small but bulky, was new.

"Sure you haven't already eaten?" She said quietly as she took the meat out of the bucket.

They started to eat hungrily. Ruby was about to turn around to go back inside when she heard the heavy backdoor slam shut.  
She whirled around, only to find Strong and Silent standing in the alley, looking at her.  
The sudden loud noise and the newcomer startled the dogs. The new one especially. The spooked animal crashed into a garbage can, knocking it over, before fleeing the scene.

"Shit!" Ruby cursed, looking at the dogs again. The remaining ones weren't so easily frightened - now looking through the garbage on the ground- but surely all that noise would draw attention.

"Go!" she tried to shoo them away as gently as she could.   
They didn't react, so she clapped in her hands. "Go! Repede!"

_Oh good idea, speak Romanian. That they will understand._

Surprisingly, it did the trick, the dogs looked up, then run away. Just in the second, they turned the corner, the backdoor slammed shut again.

Ruby suppressed a sigh and turned around. 

Of course, the old shopowner stood next to Strong and Silent now, looking more than displeased.

"De unde a venit zgomotul?" He looked at the mess. "Rahat! Cine era asta?!"

She didn't need a translator for that.

"That was me! I... I fell. I'll pick it up. Fac curat. Sorry."

He looked at her wary, then at the silent guy, who just shrugged. He mumbled something then pointed a thick hairy finger at her. "You big mass!"  
The old butcher muttered under his breath as he went back inside. 

Ruby swallowed. 

Yeah, she already knew that. 

_Well, here we go._

Strong and Silent bent down to help her lift up the trash can. 

"Thanks. But I've got it." She told him as she started to pick up the garbage, using the bucket as a shovel.

Without saying anything, he stayed and helped clean up. He had gloves on, as always, she noticed. So she had to admit she was glad that he took care of the extra nasty stuff. They worked silently, and in a matter of minutes, the mess was gone.

Back inside, she saw him grabbing his jacket. It looked like he was done for the day. 

"Thank you. Also for not saying anything." Ruby approached him quietly.

She was talking to his back, like so often. And she wanted to add something like, 'not that he was saying anything anyways'… but stopped herself. He didn't deserve her bitterness. 

"It can be rough here. Just be more careful. You'll manage." It surprised her to hear his voice. She was sure he would only turn his head slightly to her and give his usual curtly nod. 

"Well, he's right. I'm a mess." She chuckled. _Yeah, not bitter at all…_

"Messy maybe." She heard him whisper as he put on his jacket, his back to her. "But you're also kind." He added, before walking out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles
> 
> I wanted to post this for weeks, but I have to be honest, I was strangely anxious about it. It is a spin-off of my story "Words of Solace" But you don't need to read that story to get this one. But of course, it would be awesome if you do :)
> 
> Thanks again for giving it a try. Any feedback is always welcomed.


	2. While I suffer

_I've got something in my throat_   
_I need to be alone_   
_While I suffer_   
_Son_   
_You've got a way to kill_   
_They're picking on you still_   
_But they don't know *_

Waking up from nightmares didn't bother him anymore. Far from it actually. The nightmares were memories, and those were precious. People didn't know it, but at its heart, your memory was all you had. All that matters. Taken from you, you were nothing. An empty shell.

_A monster._

He could do without the sweating and the screaming, though. 

The first was annoying, the second dangerous. If he was screaming in his sleep and someone thought about calling the police... that could course problems. Luckily his housing was far from noble and screaming a daily occurrence. So he fitted right in.

The disorientation after waking up from a nightmare had lessened only slightly so far. If he didn't wake up in fight mode- ready to kill-, he would lie there almost as if he was paralyzed, taking in his surroundings, slowly insuring himself that he didn't need to flee... or fight. At least for the moment.

That was what he was doing now. He stared at the dirty ceiling, listening to the voices next door. Finally, taking a deep breath, he reached for the notebook on the floor next to the mattress. 

He was still lying on his back when he wrote a few notes down. This time the dream was only a series of fragments, but that didn't matter. He had to keep every part, every little memory. When he was finished, he wrote the words down which were most important. He wrote them every time, so very afraid to lose them again.

_Sargent James Buchanan Barnes._

He hesitated for a moment before adding some more.

_My name is Bucky._

...

The hardest part was getting out of the US. 

After discovering some much-needed information, he had to travel to Canada on foot, always expecting someone waiting for him around the next corner.

_Former Friends, eternal enemies, keepers, all the same..._

No one did.

He made it over the border without much trouble.

He took some small jobs here and there while he kept moving. Finally, he had the chance to cross the Atlantic Ocean.   
It was frightening how easily one could get hired as a handyman for one of the shady transport ships. But Bucky was thankful. He needed to leave the continent.

He stepped foot on European ground in France. He hurried to the east right away. Bucky spent some weeks in Serbia and two months in Bulgaria before he finally went to Bucharest.

He was here for almost three months and had no intention to leave right now. The city was big enough to blend in, and a guy like him didn't attract much attention. Someone who kept to himself wasn't uncommon, far from it. Still, he warned himself not to get too comfortable. He was always ready to flee, always on alert. But after months on the road, he welcomed to sleep on the same dirty, scruffy mattress every night. 

He worked as a day laborer on construction sites around town three or four times a week. It was an easy enough thing to do. He was paid daily, and they asked no questions.   
But in the winter, it was harder to get a job there, and he was always nervous to work out in the open. So, working for the butcher was perfect for him. Nobody questioned him about always wearing long sleeves and gloves. It was the normal thing to do here. The men were just as reticent as him. And those who weren't quickly learned to leave him alone. 

Bucharest seemed to give him time... time to gather together the thousands of fragments that seemed to float through his mind, time to figure out what to do next. And the most important... time to remember.

...

Bucky carried the empty boxes into the storage when she entered the shop. He heard her tampering with the bucket and the swab before he saw her.  
When she walked into the room she did her usual greeting and he returned it with his usual nod.  
Bucky wasn't sure why he'd ever opened his mouth to speak to her. Sometimes he thought he should just stop paying any attention to her like the rest of the stuff did. He was only acknowledging her, but then again... the damage was already done. She knew now that he was American. At first, he'd thought it was harmless enough.   
It wasn't uncommon for travelers - mostly young folks that looked like fresh out of high school - to come to those places to earn some money, because they miscalculated their budget. But most of them didn't last more than a week. The work was too hard, the payment too little. And those who might stay got the message pretty quickly that this was no place to make friends.  
But she was different. It's been more than three weeks and she was still here. And she was still trying to speak to him.   
He had a hard time figuring her out. Normally there were only two categories of people for Bucky.

Threat and no threat. 

He had never been wrong so far, trusting his instincts and skills. He was sure she wasn't a threat. She looked young. Probably younger than she was because she was so damn skinny but still young. The light blond hair that peered out from under the hats she wore barely reached her shoulders. The ends looked kind of brash and dull. Her big, brown eyes didn't look scared. They held curiosity and friendliness in them. But also something else.

No, she wasn't a threat. But Bucky noticed someone that was on the run when he saw them no less. 

He'd almost left the city on the day he told her he was from Brooklyn. He was beyond angry with himself. It was stupid and dangerous. Bucky tried his best to not draw attention to himself. He was friendly when he communicated with people. But he didn't give anything from himself away. He tried to be as forgettable as possible. Telling her about himself, even the smallest thing, was stupid. He had no idea who she was, after all.

But... he liked Bucharest. And being here helped him getting things back. Having some kind of routine helped him... remembering. He didn't want to be on the road again. At least not now. So, he'd decided to investigate. Getting hold of her bag was easy. The passport looked real. She was American, born in Maine just as she'd said. Her name was Ruby Maria Rawlings, and she was 23 years old. Her visa said that she was a student, and she had some papers in Italian in her bag. But he had no time to get a closer look at those. He'd started to follow the girl after work. She lived in a rather nice area, not noble, but not the rat hole he called his home. The name on the mailbox wasn't hers though. 

After a few days, Bucky decided that she was no danger for him. At least for now. _Everything is always just for now._  
The only things the girl did - besides working - was going for walks, listening to street musicians. He still couldn't figure out her story, nor did he care. It didn't matter.

Nearly at the end of his workday, he saw her sneaking out with meat for the dogs again. He had noticed her starting to feed the strays a few days ago. It was a foolish thing to do. Sooner or later someone else would see it. She would lose her job. And even worse... the dogs, now even more bold, would suffer. The skinny foreman was just waiting for an excuse to poison them.

When she was outside, he heard the old butcher asking for her. She was working to slow for his taste and he wanted to make sure she wasn't lounging. 

Bucky was torn. Sooner or later the shop owner would catch her anyway. And he wouldn't need to worry about her anymore.   
Maybe she needed this job. But that wasn't his business. She wasn't his problem.

In the last few months, Bucky's decisions, even though a lot of them were based on instinct, had still been always well-thought-out and intentional. But right now, it seemed like his body was not really his again. And he hated that feeling. He found himself working to the backdoor and forced his hand to stop as it reached out for the door handle.

_She's not my problem._

There was no rational reason to help her. She wasn't in danger. She would only lose her job and get a Rumanian lecture. It would even be to his benefit. He had no reason to help her, and still... Bucky took a deep breath and opened the door.  
His plan was to simply warn her and go back inside right away. But that was all but forgotten when the pooch knocked down the trash can, making enough noises to wake up the dead. 

After the old butcher had gone back inside, Bucky bent down, helping her pick up the trash. He watched her carefully and unnoticed while doing so. Her skin looked pale and young. Her big, dark brown eyes looked even younger. She was mumbling to herself while they worked, and he was sure she didn't even notice it.   
He, as a matter of fact, did. Even before today's events. Ruby Maria Rawlings seemed to do that whenever she was worried, stressed, and maybe when she was angry.

He should have stayed quiet when she thanked him for his help. But he just... couldn't. Something in her tone spoke to him. Maybe it was the sound of defeat. 

On his way home he still wasn't sure why he felt the need to help her. The only slightly reasonable excuse was simple no less.

_She is kind._

...

Bucky woke up suddenly, grabbing the knife that was hidden under his mattress the same moment he opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds to realize that the screams that woke him came from the apartment at the end of the floor. 

His metallic hand put the knife back under the makeshift bed. Bucky took a few deep breaths, trying to get his body under control.   
Tonight's nightmares were... extensive. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel the woman's pulse against his palm. How it'd slowed down while he had tightened his hand... till it'd stopped completely. 

And then there was another dream. He was in a park, lights all around, the smell of food in the air. Smiling faces. A man's hand on his shoulder, petite, but strong. A man he loved like a brother.   
Fragments of a life, so long lost.

He couldn't say which dream was worse.

Nonetheless, Bucky grabbed his notebook to write it all down.

He couldn't shake the feeling of unease in the following hours. He always had to be alert, yes. But this was different. It happened sometimes. His skin was itchy and he was sweating for no reason. Images of his dream hunted him. 

Work wasn't a distraction, because he couldn't _have_ distractions, couldn't allow it, but it helped him focus at least a little bit.

When Ruby came into the shop that day he suppressed a sigh. It'd been one week since the incident in the backyard. Her behavior hadn't changed. She still fed the dogs, but she was a little bit less obvious about it. She still greeted him and tried to make conversation. Bucky wasn't successful in ignoring her completely, but he kept his responses to an absolute minimum. 

He tried his best to avoid her, today was no different. He almost made it through his shift without her approaching him. Almost.

"Hey! Hey, wait up. Hey, I.... uff... ." 

Bucky was already out of the door when he heard her following, then she shouted after him, so he stopped in his tracks what caused her to run into his back. She stumbled back. He turned around and almost reached out to help her keep her balance, but she managed on her own.

"Sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I? I mean, I don't think I did. Shit, that was like running into a wall." She was rubbing her nose as Bucky looked at her, waiting for whatever she had to say to him. 

Eventually, her warm brown eyes found his. 

"I never really thanked you for your help last week."

"Yes, you did. You said thank you."

"That's not what I mean. You did save my ass, so... I wanted to thank you."

Bucky decided right then and there: She made no sense. He just stared at her.

"Here, I got you something." She reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a small chocolate box. 'Merci' was written on it.

"It's just something silly. But it's the thought that counts, right? Besides, if you have time... maybe I can invite you to breakfast after work some time? I really... ." She paused, sighing, and let the arm that held the chocolate sink.

"To be honest with you, I don't know anybody in Bucharest. I'm on my own all the time and it's boring and lonely. And since we're both Americans we have to stick together, right? I could really use a friend. I mean, who can't? So, how about grabbing a coffee? I promise you I'm not horrible all of the time."

Ruby again held out the chocolate for him to take. She smiled at him. It was a small but lovely smile. Honest and gentle and Bucky felt like he was tossed in ice-cold water. 

He took a step back.

"I don't want to make any friends." His voice was harsh, with no room for argument and deep down he was impressed that she still tried.

"But-"

"You should keep your distance from me from now on. I won't help you again. And I don't want to be your friend."

With that he turned around and hurried down the alley. 

After arriving in his small apartment, he checked the windows- like he always did- and then he changed clothes quickly. He needed to go for a run. Maybe that would help to get rid of the burning under his skin.  
 _A friend._ She wanted to be his friend. The girl was crazy. She didn't even know him. 

It started to rain as he ran down the streets of Bucharest. He barely felt it, his pace way faster than usual. 

No, Bucky didn't have friends. He would never have them again. He couldn't. He needed to be alone. Needed to be alone while he suffered.  
That was his burden, his punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Way to fall - Starsailor


End file.
